Insomnia post

I had an evaluation done by an independent firm organized by my lawyer on March 18, 2026. I got the results back recently. I will say that I have quite a ways to go yet to get back to where I was before. There were excerpts in the report from hospital files such as this one:

“On 16 February 2024, an orthopaedic chart note indicated patient was resuscitated in the trauma bay with four units of packed red blood cells due to hypotension and presumed hemorrhagic shock. He was stabilized and we took him to the OR overnight. Due to his rising lactate and instability, we took a damage control approach rather than early total care and decided that he should be externally fixated to stabilize his lower extremities pending recovery of physiologic reserve. We also washed out his open wounds and sutured them close. With regard to his lower extremity fractures, we will continue to follow the patient closely and assess his physiologic recovery and monitor his swelling. Once he is deemed appropriate for OR, we will take him back for definitive fixation of his lower extremity fractures.”

I had never read that before nor had I been told that. I knew I was hurt in the accident, I never knew how close the other person came to killing me. Reading this really bothered me for a few days. 

I had some thoughts of buying a motorcycle. I tried throwing myself on a new Kawasaki Eliminator at my local dealership. I can barely get on. I own a Kawasaki Versys 300. It is taller and I know I will not be able to get on that, I just do not have the range of motion in my legs. If I park it for another year I might be able to get on it, then again, I might not. I might not be able to ever do some of the things I used to do, like ride on two wheels. There might be a bike going up for sale, I have not decided. I made progress and I think I might be able to do more next year or maybe I am deluding myself.

Too much to think about at four in the morning.